His Bedwarmer’s Wife

“Hi.” I sat across from Hunter. “I’m sorry, just now I have time to visit you again, how are you?” I ask then give him the fruit I was carrying.

“I’m good,” he replied. “You?”

“Same, little busy for the opening of the business.”Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

“Sorry, I wasn’t there, that work was supposed to be mine.”

“It’s ok,”

Hunter has been jailed for three months now. No case has been filed against him because it is clear that his wife cheated on him. But he did not post bail and he said he wanted to be imprisoned until the due so that even here he could pay for what he did to the baby.

“How’s life?” he asked.

“Here, looking for a new husband, again.” I laughed while saying. “Eugene and I’s annulment has been in process. It takes too long because Eugene follows the rules.” I saw him frown on his forehead.

“Are you serious?” he asked.

“In where?”

“That you’re searching for a new husband?” I laughed at what he said.

“Nah, I’m just kidding,” I said and smile at him. “As of now, I want to focus on Ulysses. He’s growing up and needs a lot of reminders. I can’t count on Eugene, he’s conscientious. He teaches his children nonsense and keeps on spoiling.”

“Both men that is why they can understand each need,” he said, “Ley,” He softly called my

name and hold my hand which startled me. “Thanks, thanks for always visiting.”

“It’s nothing, I am also bored to go somewhere. At least for a change, instead of malls and bars, I hang out in jail.” I tried to make him laugh but I saw the sadness on his face. “Something wrong?”

“I loved her, Ley,” he started. I know he means Kyla. “I really loved her. I also didn’t expect that my love for her will disappear when you left me. I’m sorry for everything I did to you, Ley. I’m sorry for all the pain I have given you. For all the suffering you experienced in my hand. For what I did to our baby.”

“Hunter, please stop.”

“But it’s true that I learned to love you and I realized that when you leave me.”

“I know, and I feel it.”

“Thanks, thank you for staying in my side even as a friend, something I did not give you when you asked me.” I stood up and sat beside him then held her hand.

“There have been other men in my life but you have not disappeared from my heart. I know that someone covers up but you never left in that space. But I hope you understand that no matter what I do, the pain of the past of what you did is still there. I tried to remove it, forget about it, but until now, I still can’t really do it.”

“I know, please forgive me,”

“I forgive you already, you and Kyla and that’s true. But I don’t want to lie to myself that the pain is still there every time I think about what happened.”

I know I can never forget what happened to us. What I am doing right now is slowly accepting that no matter what I do I can’t undo what happened. I cannot move back to the past and even I will hold on it won’t help me either.

Acceptance is what I need to get out of the situation I am going through.

I love Hunter but I can’t go back to his life as a lover.

Is there really such a thing as this?

You love someone and you feel that he already loves you. But every time you remember all the pain with him, you will choose to be friends with him rather than be with him again and share your heart.

I love Hunter and I know he loves me because I feel that. But the past still pinches me. There is remorse. There is resentment. There is doubt, and mostly still be in pain every time I think of our past. But I can let him go also.

“Thank you, Ley, thank you for staying by my side and I will wait until you are ready to accept me again.”

“Promise, I’ll stay by your side no matter what happens.”

I really can’t leave him even though despite everything he did to me. Because I understand why he did those to me. It is not his mistake, it is like he is weak and easy to manipulate.

Maybe this is how loves do. You always think what is right but often don’t. You saw his imperfection but you prefer to be blinded. You wanted to be fair but chose to bias.

Because you get hurt first when he gets hurt.

When you love someone in your dissertation you no longer know whether it is right or wrong.

With my decision, I choose to stay with Hunter because I am happy with him. This is all I can do for him. We are both free now and both have no obligation to each other even though we love each other. But chosen to be friends.

I will just pray that one day we can be together. He will be mine, as Hunter who was the first and last man to make my heartbeat. Someday, I hope I can accept his love. That when I think back to what happened to us, there was no pain or resentment.

Many things have happened in our lives especially mine. Loved, Hurt, got up but repeatedly hurt, but, I have proven only one. I could get up again and again. Because someone was going to lift me. I could forgive and apologize if necessary. I can do anything as long as I’m with people who love me.

In the new phase of my life, I can say that my past will be a lesson to me. It will be a weapon that I can use in dealing with the coming trials and will remind me that I can survive no matter

what.

I will leave this chapter of my life and be ready to face another stage. As a mother, child, sister, and friend who will continue to fight the challenges of life.

The woman who gets hurt but still fighting.

I am HAILEY AMARANTH, The Broken who choose to be The Martyr for the person that I love.