Revolting

Shane squeezed me and dropped his head onto my hair. "This is like a nightmare that I can't wake up from," he said tiredly. "Have you eaten?" I shook my head. I had picked at the breakfast tray, and skipped lunch. "I'll have some food brought up to my room. Lets go." He lifted me off from his lap, and enveloped my hand in his. We passed my room, where I had lived alone across the hall from Nolan, and went down the east wing to the beta's quarters. His room hadn't changed much since the last time I'd sat inside it. It seemed like years ago since the day I'd asked him to teach me how to wrap my knees. "I need a shower," he mumbled, leading me to the bed, and settling me there. He was already pulling off his shirt before he reached the bathroom. I watched his muscular back recede into the bathroom. After a few minutes, there was a knock at the door, and I opened it to find an unfamiliar omega pushing a cart with food trays. Seeing her there, with her eyes downcast, and her rather unfriendly demeanor made me miss Daisy something fierce. I missed her bright smile and crazy blond curls and her cheerful attitude. I thanked the girl and wheeled the cart into the room.

I set the food out on the table while I listened to the water running in the shower. There were salads, stuffed peppers smothered in cheese, garlic bread and desserts. There was only one chair, which I left for him, and I sat back on the bed. After a few minutes Shane emerged, his black hair wet and slicked back, his sculpted chest bare and sprinkled with droplets of water, a pair of sweat-pants slung low on his hips. He sank into the chair, but seemed unsatisfied with our seating arrangement, "Please, come here." I came closer, and he arranged me on his lap again, this time my legs straddled his, and I was facing him. He looped his arms behind my hips to hold me in place, and just held me. "I've missed you Nina. I'm sorry, I couldn't get away..."

I shook my head, and bit my lips. I wanted to tell him it was okay... but the truth was I had felt really lonely and afraid over the last two days. I was still feeling fearful and uncertain. I no longer knew what our future held. But for the moment I was wrapped up in his arms, and it was enough. He sighed, and I could see how tired he was. "Lets eat, so you can get some rest," I suggested, "Tomorrow is going to be a hard day."

"Yeah," was all he could say. He rearranged us a bit so that we could reach the food. Despite the fact that I had barely eaten for the last two days, I didn't feel very hungry. Instead I put my energy into feeding him. It was a very intimate thing, to feed someone, to slide the fork between his teeth, to wipe the drop of sauce from his lips. I felt guilty for feeling turned on by it. Here and there he snuck a bite into my mouth too, coaxing me to eat. When he was full and satisfied I cleared away the dishes. I put everything back on the cart and left it out in the hallway. While I was cleaning up, Shane had stretched out on his bed. He watched me move around with half-closed eyes.

"Nina," he groaned, "I need you, please."Property belongs to Nôvel(D)r/ama.Org.

I washed my hands and brushed my teeth quickly, and then joined him on the bed. I wrapped myself around his warm, hard body. He snuggled me close and mumbled something, and then he was asleep. Sometime in the night he woke me, his warm hands stroking my skin. This was a different kind of love making. He wasn't seeking pleasure, he was seeking comfort, reassurance, relief. My back was pressed against his front, so he shifted my top leg and entered me smoothly from behind. He started out slowly and gently, but as all of his feelings came up and began to overwhelm him, he began to move faster, his pace more frantic, his need for release desperate. When he finally exploded, I cried out and went with him, our bodies shaking and spasming together. He pulled out and kissed the back of my neck. Hot tears escaped from my eyes, ran across the bridge of my nose, and wet my pillow. These were selfish tears now... I was crying for myself, and everything that had gone wrong. I was crying because I would leave tomorrow after the funeral, and I might never make love with Shane again.

I didn't expect him to go with me. Shane was steady and responsible, and he loved this pack. I knew he loved me too, just as I loved him...but I thought he loved his pack family first. I gently stroked his unruly hair off his forehead, and brushed my fingers over his lips. What if I had to live without him? If these past days were anything to go by, life alone was going to be hard and painful. But, I thought, we all have to choose. I wasn't going to let anyone choose for me any more.