Too Beautiful for the Alpha

Chapter 17

I immediately close the door behind me and turn to him with wide eyes. His scent is muffled and I can't

tell if I am imagining him or not. "W-What are you doing here?"

James nears me and my heart begins to race. The sight of him makes me feel secure, a warm feeling

spreading throughout my shaking body. The darkness of my bedroom shadows his face, making him a

figure in the night, something my eyes could be playing tricks with. Once close enough, the moonlight

from my window lightens up his face and my throat grows dry. He reaches out to me, takes my hand in

his, showing me that he is indeed real. "I'm here to finalize things, Rae," he says, his voice less smooth

than it has been in the past.

I struggle to speak, bringing me back to when I first met him. "You're going—you're going to reject me

now?"

I can see his jaw clench. "Yes."

A shower of sadness rains down on me in one abrupt wave. My entire body is weighed down and my

chest struggles to rise. My eyes can do nothing else but look up at him, hoping he sees that I am

unwilling. My lip quivers like a lost child's. "Don't."

It's all I can't muster and he lets out a breath, his glaze tearing from mine. "Rae—"

"No," I murmur, quiet so no one downstairs hears me, but also quieted by my swelling throat. "Just

don't. Not yet? I'm not ready yet." I'm not ready to let go.

"When? When will you be ready?" He asks, not really asking, though.

"I won't. I don't want you to reject me."

James looks down at me as if he's trying to figure me out, a puzzle he just can't put together. "When I

told you that you had to go home, you agreed. You left without a problem."

"Because I didn't know if you wanted me there. I'm not going to stay somewhere I'm not wanted."

"I don't want you there," he says calmly.

With nothing to lose, I ask, "Why?"

He sighs and drifts further into my bedroom, not focused on anything around him. "Because I don't

want to hurt you anymore. You need to be somewhere you can be happy."

"But I—"

"You cannot tell me that you were happy at my Pack, Rae. You weren't. You were miserable. You were

doing anything to get out."

I don't know how to make him understand because I hardly understand it myself. Maybe it was that one

hint of kindness that gave me hope. "Do you want me there?"

He stays quiet.

"So if I were to come back, you would hurt me again? Would nothing change? Is this what you want?

To reject me? If this is what you want, I'm not going to try and change your mind. You can reject me

right now then."

There is a pause before he says, "It doesn't matter want I want."

"But do you want me there?" I press. "Would you treat me the same?"

James' eyes bleed into darkness. "You can't trust me."

Disappointment slaps me in the face. "So you wouldn't change? What about my things? What about in

the kitchen when you—"

"Enough."

"No. You can't give me hope only to push me away. It's not fair. I told you what I wanted that night and

you pushed me away, you sent me back here and I've been miserable. Stop acting like you don't want

me one minute, then that you need to send me away for my own good the other. Just tell me what you

want. And not what you feel like you need to say. Tell me the truth."

"Rae!" My mother suddenly calls from downstairs. "Aren't you coming back down?"

Frustrated, I call back, "Yes, just-just give me a second."

My head spins as I look back to James. He sits on the edge of my bed. "I just want you to be happy."

I near him. "I'll be happy if you treat me how you want to treat me, not what you learned from your

father."

James tenses and I realize what I had said. My eyes glance over to the diary on my desk and I hope he

doesn't see it, I hope he's never seen it in his life.

"What did you just say?"

He doesn't sound angry, but rather caught-off-guard. I drag my bottom lip through my teeth discreetly,

fighting the need to bite down and pay for what I had said. "Theresa and Gail told me you are like your

father, I just—"

He stands up from my bed. "Don't lie to me. Where did you hear about my Father?" He's bringing out

the Alpha in him.

Part of me is annoyed by the plethora of times he's lied to me, but I hold it back for another day. "I just

assumed."

"Rae?" My mother calls again, slicing through the moment.

I groan and head to the door. "Just wait here. I'll be right back."

Before James can protest, I slip through and close the door behind me. Now worked up, the sight of my

mother and her friend and Noah irks me. I wish I could yell about how I'm dealing with something

important upstairs. They smile. "You're not even changed?" My mother points out the obvious.

"I know, I was thinking about taking a shower actually, the dirt is just everywhere," I mutter and make a

quick move to leave, but my mother reels me back.

"Well if you're not coming back down, say goodbye."

I take a steady breath. "Of course. It was nice meeting the both of you, hope we can really get into

things next time. Sorry for my spotty presence." The two look somewhat pleased. "I better clean up

now. Have a good night."

Just before my escape, my mother snatches me back. "Your towels are in the laundry room. I cleaned

them."

I nod and dash off, not wanting to be stalled any longer while James is in my bedroom alone. I rush up

the steps and collect myself in a flash before gently opening the door. He is sitting on the bed again

with something in his hands. My heart thumps hard when I realize it's the diary. He doesn't look up from

the pages when he asks, "Where did you get this?"

I feel the door against my back. "I found it in the house."

"Where?"

Not sure if he is upset or not, I proceed cautiously. "In the library."

"The one that is blocked off by a bookshelf?" He finally looks up at me, only making my heart race even

more. "You went into a blocked off room and took her—what—her diary? Does that not seem like a

boundary to not cross?"

"I was upset. I was looking for anything to distract myself. You're the one who just showed up in my

bedroom unannounced."

James closes the diary and tosses it beside him on my bed. "Your bedroom is different than my dead

mother's diary, Rae. And if I remember clearly, you came into my bedroom unannounced first. Now how

much do you know?"

"About your mother?"

"Yes, about my mother. You've been reading her struggles for entertainment for a while now."

I step forward. "Entertainment? That diary is the only thing that gave me a sense of clarity. It was

someone to relate to while you stomped all over me."

There is a moment of silence as James looks to be off in thought. I stand at the door watching him,

waiting for something. The sight of him on my bed is bizarre to me, some weird mix of my old life and

my new one. They don't belong together.

"You're just like her, aren't you?" He says, more relaxed than before.

I move away from the door, closer to him. "At the beginning, maybe. Not anymore."

"Why's that?"

I am careful with my words. "Your mother didn't heal, did she?"

James sighs shortly. "No."

"I don't know if she ever forgave your father. He let her in and she just took it and tried to act like

everything was normal. Then after the baby—"

"What baby?" James cuts in.

I thought he knew. Maybe I've gone too far. "I-I'm sorry."

"No, Rae. What baby?"

"She had a miscarriage," I say slowly, "I didn't read too far on it, but she seemed very distraught and

upset over it. She asked the Moon Goddess for her child back many times. I don't know, she just didn't

sound right." He peers down at the floor. "I'm sorry. I should have never taken it."

His eyes find mine once again. "Why do you want to come back? After everything I've done..."

I sit beside him on my bed and take the diary in my hands. "Because I'm not your mother. I know that

you're fighting yourself. I just wish you would tell me why."

James takes the diary and sets it on his other side. "I didn't want you to end up like her. I was ignorant,

believing that having a mate would have weakened me. I didn't want to grow attached to you, but I

couldn't let you go, like you said. Once I realized I was following in my father's footsteps, I needed to

send you away. I couldn't let you end up like her."

My heart seems to flourish. "What happened to her, James?"

"She killed herself when I was young. I always believed it was my father's fault, and he did too, but

maybe there was more. I'm sure it's all in here," he says, motioning to the diary. "Keep it. You'll Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

probably understand her better than I would. It's time for me to go."

"Go?" I blurt. "What do you mean?"

"I have to get back to the pack before anyone realizes I was gone."

My brows furrow together. "What are you talking about? No one knows you're here? Doesn't Alpha

Waters know you're here? Is that why I can hardly smell you?"

James stands up. "Things aren't too good between your Alpha and I. I thought it best that he doesn't

know I'm here."

"Well, I'm coming with you. I can't stay here."

James nears me and takes my hand in his, covering it with his own. "You're safe here."

"But what about everything we just—"

"I'm bringing you back with me," he assures me, "just not tonight, not when I have to trespass on your

Alpha's land to get to you. When things settle down I'll bring you back."

"When's that going to be?"

James must see the worry in my eyes because he places both of his hands on either side of me, filling

me with warmth from his touch. "Don't worry. It will be soon."

"When will I see you next?"

"Maybe a few days. It's hard for me to escape my own land without issues to stop me."

I take a deep breath. "Okay. Just promise you won't leave me here."

"Of course I wouldn't leave you."

He nears the open window and I watch as he swiftly jumps down and lands smoothly on the ground.

My hands grip the windowsill as he shifts into a large, dark wolf and blends seamlessly into the forest

and beyond. I stand at my window for a few more minutes before closing it and turning to the shower,

still feeling the sensation of his touch on my body.